Bipolarwanderings

Oh my gosh God is so good. -says my Higher Power. 

Life is so, so hard and scary. -says my wounded inner child, Gertrude. (Wounded inner child Bri has been named Gertrude, to remind myself that although she is a part of me, she also, paradoxically is not “who” I am. 

Does this make sense? 

I think from the terms of Gestalt therapy, it does. Google defines a part of Gestalt therapy called ‘the empty chair technique’, where the client “sits in an empty chair and talks to an absent person or part of themselves.” Seeing myself (from the time I was 12-13-14 years old) as someone I can have a heart-to-heart with and allow to be heard is something I am working on…allowing my ‘Gertrude’, wounded inner child, 14-year-old self to express her anger at not being heard, that is my goal. To extend the unconditional love and compassion to myself in the way I strive to do that to my family, friends, and community. 

Finally, my mom used an incredible technique for facing unwanted emotions (in my case, anger). She describes our being as having the ability to “zoom out”, or “watch our emotions and thoughts” like from a hot air balloon. 

Remembering that my thoughts are like leaves floating down a river, and my emotions come and go, like clouds in the sky, reminds me that I am more than my pain, more than my past. They will come and go, but my ‘witnessing presence’ from that hot air balloon is always present. 

So, I find truths in both statements:

God is Good.

&

Life is scary, and hard.

Which wins? Whichever you choose to believe.