Bipolarwanderings

Today I want to learn how to love myself, fearlessly, and fiercely. I got this whale shark plush 3-pound animal from Target the other day. I told someone while checking out that it was for my sister but it wasn’t. It was for me. I hug it close when I feel like I’m drowning in negative thinking, and imagine God would be holding me just like that if he was alive in a person today. I’ve tried to find God in people, it never works. I always end up disappointing myself. Because we are human, right? I would hate to imagine that I have been that person who was knocked off of a pedestal by a friend or family member who used to see me as God.

I also did my bible study, two days worth of it. That felt incredibly liberating. I guess I have always thought that liberation or enlightenment was a one-stop, check-off the bucket list type of ordeal, where one day you would no longer be suffering. At least that’s what the New Age teaching teach, teach well. It’s almost with egoic pride these teachers profess that they do not suffer. I just…wonder.

What must it be like to not suffer? It sounds peaceful. And freeing. Maybe one day this person will be me. To be continued…shark in hand!