Bipolarwanderings

My therapist told me the other week that I should start grading my moods, to make sure I’m not getting manic. I thought that was a ridiculous idea at the time, but I’m liking the idea of sharing here.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I took two friends to church who I cannot say I am THAT close with, but I would love to continue to develop our friendships. One is a co-worker and one friend I’ve known since we were 11. We go way back. (:

It’ s interesting because (tangent) you can never get into the mindset of anyone else, besides yourself. I almost typed, “I struggle with feelings of guilt more than your average person,” but I cannot thoroughly and logically say that that is true. So I will amend my statement and say this: I struggle with guilt, immensely.

The ‘hot thought’ or in cognitive-behavioral therapy standards, is, “I’m not doing enough.” I don’t know where that sick, twisted thought comes from but it is a constant reminder that I shan’t rest or relax for fear of being deemed a ‘failure’ or ‘bad person’. Anyways, back to my original point.

I tweaked my back two days ago at my second job. Target. It hurts, but only when I’m in a position to make it hurt, like leaning over at Sprouts to fill the bins with under stock. I simply could not complete the task.

Long story short I felt incredibly guilty that I could not complete this simple, simple task. I had to let my manager know which was just — humbling? Embarrassing? I don’t know.

Does anyone else feel guilt over the smallest of things? (But other than that, 7+/10 day!)